Absolute Bliss

And so I am left to rue the things that might have been
The flights of fancy that crashed and burned.
As her silence grows louder with every passing moment
The traveller resigns himself to his sad fate.

He lights another cigarette as he tries to fight the chill permeating his very core, but it does little to help.

His limbs are sapped of strength, and he wonders how he is going to make the long journey back. There was a growing emptiness in his heart, but yet it weighs so much...

He is not used to feeling this way; he does not like it, but it is indomitable, this tidal wave of emotions, and he lets himself succumb to its beautiful tragedy.

"But was there still a flicker of affection beneath her icy facade?" He mused, more in hope than anything else.

For surely, things could not have changed so fast?

He glances back from afar in cautious optimism, but she stares back, her expression unflinching and stoic.

And that's when he knows... he must go.





Goodbye Amelie ;)

Learning to Live

I don't usually pay much attention to song lyrics, but this one strikes a resonant chord with my current state of mind.

Dream Theater
Images & Words (1992)
Learning To Live

There was no time for pain
No energy for anger
The sightlessness of hatred slips away
Walking through winter streets alone
He stops and takes a breath
With confidence and self control

I look at the world and see no understanding
I'm waiting to find some sense of strength
I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart to show some understanding

I need to live life
Like some people never will
So find me kindness
Find me beauty
Find me truth
When temptation brings me to my knees
And I lay here drained on stength
Show me kindness
Show me beauty
Show me truth

The ways that your heart sounds makes all the difference
It's what decides if you'll endure the pain that we all feel
The way that your heart beats makes all the difference
In learning to live
Here before me is my soul
I'm learning to live
I won't give up
Till I've no more to give

Listening to the city
Whispering its violence
I set out watching from above
The 90's bring new questions
New solutions to be found
I fell in love to be let down

Once again we dance in the crowd
At times a step away
From a common fear that's all spread out
It won't listen to what you say
Once you're touched and you stand alone
To face the bitter fight
Once I reached for love
And now I reach for life

Another chance to lift my life
Free the sensation in my heart
To ride the wings of dreams into changing horizons
It brings inner peace within my mind,
As I'm lifted from where I've split my life
I hear an innocnet voice I hear kindness, beauty and truth

The way your heart sounds makes all the difference
It's what decides if you'll endure the pain that we all feel
The way your heart beats makes all the difference
In learning to live
Spread before you is your soul
So forever hold the dreams within our hearts
Through nature's inflexible grace

A day in the life...

i m stucked at homee for da whoLe daee.. i m boredd to deathh.. haha.. i oso didnt reaLiised mummy hadd cum homee.. i gotx a shock when she cum into moi ro0m n tok to mee.. lolx.. actually wanted to help mummy do houseworkk.. but guesss watxx.. i ended up cleaniing halfwayy.. i found moiselff readiing da newspaperr.. lolx.. mummy got kindaa angryy wif me =x soriiiee mummyy.. afterr readdiing da newspaperr.. cant rememberr watxx i doo.. haha.. tiink me searchh for moi PT attiree.. needa wearr 2moro forr moi IPPT.. sadd.. wentt downn to buy da.. err xiin tiink.. [[ condom ]] needa wearrr.. hahaa -.-''b4 that.. met up wif ms baddiie.. threaten me * shake headd * haha.. shall notx tok abt it.. so pai seh !! mgg.. mux braiin washh !!cum homee.. reaLiised mummy hadd donee her moppiing.. hahaa..so ' guaii ' of mee.. help herr =x sat infront of da teeveee.. watch n snackiinng.. lolx..tiimee fly so fast.. gonna be thirdd week of holidaes liaox.. me had not donee any revision or homeworrkk =x kekexx..

i tink me goiing crazyy.. i simpLy lurvee da songg [[ y i qian nian yi hou ]] , byy jj.. mgg.. it wass soo niice !! n i tiinkk me os0 crazzyy overr da [[ mariigoLd strawberryy yoghurt driinnkk ]] mi br4ther.. i tiink he kiinda piiss off cox i kept askiiing him to help me buyy wheneverr he go downn.. hahaxx.. ciiiaoooss !!

Blog interrupted *Edited*

*EDITED*

Pardon the paucity of posts of late.
Been busy with school and music and life in general.
All this zombified trudging from one home to another and cordial chattering has taken its toll on me.
Feel like going down to Zombie Rock Bar for some headbanging tonight.


Just a quick thought...

If you were put in a position where you have to choose between letting your one true love, or 5 close friends/family die, what would your decision be?

If you decide to save your lover, how high does the death toll of your friends/family need to go before it tips the balance? 10? 100? 500? Everybody? Or somewhere in between? 137 maybe?

And when the day comes, would you be hesitant to tell your friends/family who are earmarked to die of your decision? If you think you will be hesitant, then it shows that you do not have full belief and conviction in the decision to let so many die for one. Then why choose that to begin with?

If your answer to the first question is to let your friends/family live, would you hesitate to tell your lover of your decision to sacrifice him/her so that many may live? It seems an extremely rational decision. If you think you will be hesitant, it shows that you do not have belief and conviction in this apparent 'logic'. If you do not put your faith in logic and rationale, can you claim to be a 'higher-order being'? What separates you from animals then?

Heh, this is just a rhetorical question which requires no answer.
Just something to think about.



Here's another excerpt from "Art of War":

"The location where we will engage the enemy must not become known to them. If it is not known, then the positions they must prepare to defend are numerous. If the positions the enemy prepares to defend are numerous, then the forces we will engage will be few. If no positions are left undefended, there will not be any place with more than a few."

*laughs sagely like ancient Chinese scholar*

An exercise in futility

Sometimes, I wonder why people want to think and rationalise so much.

I believe I speak for most of the intelligentsia, when I say that the cultivating of neurones is a preponderant objective. The neverending quest to challenge and develop my brain, is afterall one of my life's biggest pursuits.
But to what end? I have no answer to that.
They say that 'ignorance is bliss', and they do have a point. When your mind is constantly spinning and crunching, you are invariably less carefree. I can attest to that. On the other hand, some lucky folks I know are never burdened by intelligence, and hence lead a most blissful life.

Ego also plays a part, certainly. I won't deny the warm feeling I get inside, when someone compliments me, when I am triumphant in a debate, or when I'm in the company(virtual or otherwise) of fellow intelligent people. We revel in being a cut above the rest.
But this is definitely a selfish reason. Akin to masturbating our own egoes.

That being said, altrusim is one of the reasons too. We like to think that we have a responsiblity to enlighten misguided souls, and steer them from the precipice of self-destruction. And perhaps receive recognition and gratitude at the end of it all.
I say we are kidding ourselves. Stupid, narrow-minded people will forever remain stupid and narrow-minded. It's much easier being that way, anyway.
People loathe being knocked out of their comfort zones, and view any dissenter with disdain and suspicion.
Such is the 'unbearable burden of brilliance' I speak about.

Sometimes, when I am in the library perusing academic journals, I can't help but feel sorry for the authors.
All that esoteric jargon, mind-numbing research, flowery language, gone into compiling those hefty tomes....but how many people will read them?
How many lives will they change?
Most of these scholars will probably die unknowns.
Sometimes I can't help but be amused by how seriously they take themselves, when they announce their lofty mission in the preface.

Whereas when Paris Hilton appears on TV, she instantly influences how millions of girls talk and dress.

The sad fact is, we're not gonna change a thing.
Reason being, society is mostly made up of stupid sheep who either can't think, or can't be bothered to. They wouldn't know if a good idea came and knocked them around the head.
The authoritarian government of this country is not helping matters too, by crushing any view that might threaten the power structure.

So unless you're an extraordinary genius on the scale of Einstein or Stephen Hawking, you're not gonna change the world.

What the more meagrely-endowed intelligentsia can do, is to apply our full abilities to whatever path we've chosen, and never stop improving.
Hopefully, we'll get to the top by sheer merit, or somewhere close.
This is a meritocratic society, no?

In the end, we'll still be playing by the rules of the society we so deride.
However much we would like to look beyond it, we are still inextricably enmeshed in this wicked web.



Enough of that.
Here's a choice excerpt from Sun Tzu's 'Art of War', which I've been reading.

"Thus generals have five dangerous character traits: One committed to dying can be slain. One committed to living can be captured. One easily angered and hasty to act can be insulted. One obsessed with being scrupulous and untainted can be shamed. One who loves the people can be troubled.
Now these five dangerous traits are excesses in a general, potential disaster for employing the army. The army's destruction and the general's death will invariably stem from these five, so they must be investigated."

Hmmm......
*strokes my imaginary beard*

Harsh Reality

It dawned on me during an MRT ride today, the root of people's stupid beliefs.

Human beings overvalue themselves.
Because they are the most intelligent creatures on the planet, they think they are put here for a PURPOSE. They are so presumptuous to believe that human beings are 'special creatures' and the supreme form of life, and hence there must be a meaning to their lives.
In short, they think too much of themselves.

This human-centric stance has led to beliefs like Fate and Religion. They want so much to believe that someone is actually plotting their course in life, that someone is judging them from above, that someone is preparing a place for them in heaven, that each and everyone of us is God's beloved child.
That someone actually cares.
They want to believe they actually matter in the entire scheme of things, and hence they make up all kinds of weird crap to feed their misbegotten egos.

All this, because they impart too much value to the human race.

But the fact is, we don't matter. Our existence is insignificant.
If our planet were to be swallowed by a black hole now, no one else in this Universe would give a shit.

The sooner Mankind snaps out of this deluded ego-trip, the better it is for everyone.

Our 'intelligence', has in fact backfired and made us think stupid things.

Haha the irony.

*updated*
an excellent nugget I chanced upon:
As sentient beings, humans are invariably doomed to meanings.